22 Jun 06 Another night..

Helen picked me up again tonight. I love not having to drive its ace. We didnt know what we were doing or where we were going but we set off and somehow ended up on black rock. We just seem to talk and talk. Its crazy, i have so much in common with her - i think im doing her head in when i waffle on about things but she just listens and listens and does seem like shes interested!

And im seeing her again tomorrow, which is good. I think scott is coming round to look at my clio for me after work, but im not going out till about 8 anyway so im not gonna clash or anything.

We have been saying we should spend a weekend together, somewhere where there is just us. And seeing as H said she has always wanted to go to rome (and the flights are SO cheap) we have decided thats where we are gonna go. I shouldnt imagine we will need much more than £100 each, maybe a little bit more to make the weekend that little bit more special.

I also remembered that i need to fill out my passport form, as i havent had a valid UK passport for years and if im going to go travelling - im going to need one!

If i can get the outstanding jobs out the way - well, the major ones anyway - then i would safely say my life is going pretty well at the moment. I am overworking myself and i get frustrated and angry and i know that makes the life of my work collegues difficult cos they dont know how to take me sometimes.

This go’s out to all my friends, co-workers and collegues (especially dave)

Im a stressed person, and computers and hasstle stress me out more. And when im stressed out i take things out on people - usually the wrong people. And for this i am sorry. I am fully aware of my mood swings, and fiery personality - and becasue of this when im 25 im going to lead a stress free life for a few years. Until that date im afraid your gonna have to put up with it - although i will attempt to right the wrongs in my life that lead me to the stress driven states.

Anyway, bedtime.. Im gonna do the blogroll and visit everyones blog before i sleep..

Peace.

22 Jun 06 Its a Love/Hate relationship…

How can i love the internet so much, and yet dispise it so much too? I love the fact i have unlimited information at my fingertips. I hate the fact it seems like ive seen it all. I love the fact i can search and find any image or any video or any program i want, i hate the fact i get an email every 5 seconds that is asking me to do something that i cant be arsed to do. I love the fact i record all my personal life on here, yet i hate having to sit and think of stuff to write. I love being admin, and having responcibility and job satisfaction, i hate baing admin becasue of the requests, and moaning and issues you have to deal with. I Love the internet, but i hate it SO much.

Garbeld, badly spelt and not punctuated properly… but i dont care!

22 Jun 06 Fitness

Without really realising i have started doing a few pushups and situps before i go to sleep. I did it to try and ease the pain i had in my stomach a few days ago. I thought if i used my stomach muscles a bit then the feeling like i had my ripped my chest open would go away.

Anyway, i have started to notice a difference already, and im gonna keep it up - and who knows i might even end up going for a run! WOhhh steady on a bit…
I should really go to sleep now. I get to see helen again tomorrow so the sooner i sleep the sooner tomorrow will come. Bangin’

WEBSITE NEWS FLASH

• My adidas superstar forum is ROCKETING! We have so many new signups now, and we have become quite a pest to the fake sellers on ebay who flood the pages with fake Ltd edition works of art.. We have already forced ebay sellers to let what they thought were gonna be lil gold mines - end up going for peanuts after a few relists..
• Maxxd.com is up and working great, got to add some feature car stuff but thats not gonna be to difficult.

Bangin. Just got to get these pesky websites im making out the way and i can finally chill the fuck out!

Goodnight

21 Jun 06 Caught Up

I have managed to accumilate LOTS of extra sleep this week, which has helped me in the mornings cos im not very good at mornings. Ive been opening my eyes at about 7, and just dozing about for an hour. Its been marvelous!

Starting to get bogged down at the mo tho, so many things i need to do, and NO nmotivation at all. I managed to get karls site pretty much finished, well at least i think its about finished. Ive jsut got to find that bloody CD he gave me, so that i can add images to his gallery etc. Then i can finish that, and the amen corner one, and at least thats a few thigns out the way and some extra cash in the bank.

I MUST motivate myself when i get home.. I have GOT to finish at least one of them befreo i go out tongiht.. GO OLLY GO!

Im really getting pissed off with my laziness when it comes to my cars too. My clio is blatently broken, and im kinda ignoring it and continuing using it, even though i know the wheels gonna fall off soon. Or something equally as dangerous. If i die in a car crash that turns out to be my own fault, i expect no sympathy!

I guess i have been waiting for scott. I need his big ass jack so i can get under the back of my caddy. I want to use it so much, its not even funny I must of had it 4 years now and using it for about 1 week of that max is pretty ridiculas! It doesnt even need that much to get it working. Damm my laziness!

AND, im gettin sick t the back teeth with people hasstleing me for stuff. Help with this, help with that. I have enough on trying to live my own life never mind help everybody else live their fuckers!

Fin.

20 Jun 06 For the first time..

In months, ive gone massivly overdrawn. Fuck. Another £35 fucking charge. Its robbery. I actually rang my bank up not too long ago and complained tha the charges were preventing me from ever being able to get out of the hole i was in. Debt is the most vicious circle of all.

I do get paid tomorrow, but i have still got to get through today with no food or anything. I could of done with filling my car up too. Ah well. Maybe if the weathers actualyl nice this afternoon, ill find the time to go to my caddy and do a few bits and bobs to that. I know i cant do much, but if i just get the engine back together, and maybe wack some jump leads on it. Ill see if i can start it up.

Kinda getting really stressed out at the minute, i need to get a few sites finished SOON as then ill get paid from them etc. Money = savings = travelling = happy.

18 Jun 06 Feel the burn

After something like 3 or 4 days pretty much staring at a computer screen, i go straight ahead and work two 12 hour security shifts. One saturday daytime and one sunday day time. Its 1/4 to eleven and im absalutley shattered. I should of gone to bed hours go really, im never gonna feel 100% for work tomorrow. Burnout! &*^”*()^error
Although ive not really done much but sit in a portacabin, walk round a bit and watch films and make websites -  ive still managed to have some kind of a weekend. Allbeit a small one. And as small as it may of been, it was one of the best evenings ive had in months. And the night was made so special by a certain someone whos really brighteneing a recent dark patch of my life up.. Meh. im tired. Brain has actually stopped functioning properly now and im struggeling to even move my fingers - so ill waffle some more tomorrow.

17 Jun 06 As Hannibal would say..

As we travel through this life, so hectic,
It moves so fast dont blink, you might miss it,
Paths lay down our feet, right before us,
Desisions to make, the plan is not flawless,
What do you do if you choose the wrong pathway?
A bad choice once, now seems like the right way?
And then one day for me, a pathway appeared,
I start to venture down it, dispite all that i feared,
And now i get to settle, all those questions on my chest,
Answer all those questions id abandoned and id left,
It feels funny going back, to something i had once neglected,
Think of then and in-between, and how it had affected,
My life my thoughts my dreams, and the pathway that i chose,
I thank the day that i got picked, to take my second go.
Peace.

16 Jun 06 Time to think…

Woh! What a fakcing crazy couple of days! First i had the masssive task of rebuilding the Maxxd.com site.

I did that, and just as i was about to have a VERY early ngiht, i got dave aslking me to help him with something.

I started speaking to him, and it appeared that the old co-owner of a rival site of ours (donnycruise.com) had fucked off, and left them int he shit.

I have NO idea what caused the problems that they were having, it was like somsone had stolen their domain name and were pointing it to a totally different server.

Anyway, i tracked down and fixed theri site for them, all bar one error which i couldnt sort for the life of me. Its made me realise how much i actualyl know when it comes to things like that.

Anyway, im not going anywhere near a pc tonight. I think ive earned a night off.

15 Jun 06 Controversy

I like to ruffle feathers. I like to cause arguments, and i like to piss people off. So i just had to wear my Trinidad and Tobago top today for work. Why? Becasue england play T&T today, and roughtly everyone apart from me is wearing an england top.

This whole world cup season is bullshit. No one likes living in this god damm awful country unless the footy’s on. Then every man and his dog is flying england flags, wearing england tops, making any random white surface into a st georges flag. Well its all bullshit. I remember reading an article in the newspaper, it was just after or the day after St Georges day, and something like 2 out of the 10 royal places that really should of been flying the St Georges cross, were not!

And yet, as soon as a bunch of overpaid football players fly out to a 7 star hotel in germany to get waited on hand and foot, and then go and kick a ball around - the entire english population go out and buy everything they can with a red cross on it. I even saw Ltd editon England Stanley tape measures in peggs. I mean, come on people. If your gonna be patriotic, then be patriotic all the time, not just when it suits you - or when its fashionable.

Rock On!

14 Jun 06 *pOppppzzz*

Thats the noise my brain made about a hour ago. I have burnt myself out over these alst few days, stressing, coding, editing, adding, changing, moving, porting, creating..

But the good news is Maxxd V2 is now;

• Running PHPbb2
• Gallery Port Mod Added
• Custom Modifications to heder and footer
• Quick reply hack added
• Shoutbox mod added
• And custom theme created and applied
• All above installed and tested.

Its taken me 2 days to get it to this stage, with 1 little bit off help from daniel to get the galelry upgraded. I did the rest myself, and im very proud of mysel for it too. Its been very hard, and i think i have had some form of breakdown, or error occur in my head as its hurting all the time and feels like it is going to pop.